I feel depressed right now. It’s almost been a full week now. What does it feel like? Right now it’s like a giant 300-pound pancake has been gently laid on top of me. It wasn’t violently thrown to crush me. Gently laid. The pressure is both soft and heavy, and it feels like I’d better just lay on the floor and let the pancake win.
I’m not 100% sure what triggered this or how to get out from under it.
Here’s my plan:
Go for a walk. I haven’t felt like being physically active or going outside lately. That’s probably just my depression trying to trick me into staying away from activities that will lessen its power.
Clean my apartment. It’s a mess. If I make it look like things are back to normal maybe they’ll start to feel that way too.
Make a to-do list. I need purpose right now. I need a reason to move.
Hold on. This will not last forever. There’s life on the other side that I’ll get to eventually. This too shall pass. Something good is coming.
Don’t worry, throughout the last week I mentioned how I was feeling to two friends. I’m not doing this alone. You don’t all need to suddenly start e-mail or texting me to see if I’m ok. I’m ok. And if everyone contacted me at the same time to get me to talk about the giant pancake, it would be a miserable and exhausting day.
I just wanted to be honest with you. I’m all about honesty, right? And I want to make it clear that my testimony doesn’t just skip from “Taylor prayed a little prayer to Jesus” to “and he lived happily ever after.” No. I still live in a fallen world with a fallen body and a fallen mind and I’m eagerly awaiting the return of the Lord because of the Great Newness he’s got in store for all creation. Until then, I lean ALL MY WEIGHT on Him and not my own understanding.
Jesus, eat this pancake.
And if you’ve got a pancake (or waffle or donut or French toast sticks) know that you’re not alone, you can take little steps right now that will lead to bigger steps down the road, and there is a Champion of Breakfasts who died to save you. You are not forgotten. You are not forgotten. You are not forgotten.