There’s nothing worse than starting over.
When I finished the second draft of my book I took a little break from writing because I was so exhausted. When it came time to begin again, it felt like torture. All the momentum was gone. The muscles I had worked out from writing every day were weak again from lack of exercise.
It’s like a middle aged father watching his son, the high school quarterback, work out. His son is lifting some serious weight, pushing himself in the gym. The father can’t stop talking about what he could bench press back in his glory days. He wants to impress his son so he steps in to show him how it’s done. This dad hasn’t been physically active in a long time. He has no idea how much he can actually lift, but he tries for the weight he once maxed out at over 20 years ago. The dad goes to lift it. He can’t. It’s clearly too much. But he won’t give up. He used to be able to do this so easily! Come on! He tries again. And that’s when his body betrays him. He throws out his back. It’s violent and painful. He screams and falls to the floor. He’s humiliated. Did he cry? Yes. Like a little baby. Did he push himself so hard he pooped his pants? He’ll never tell. But yes. He totally did.
I get so mad at myself every time I go back to pick up a habit I abandoned. It’s frustrating because it used to be so easy for me to do this thing every day. Why is It not immediately easy again?! Because nothing can be done except little by little. I know it’ll eventually get easier but it sucks right now. It’s hard work. Like running a mile. The first day you do it is so much harder than the 8th day. After a month of doing it every day, you don’t even have to think about it anymore.
There’s something powerful about momentum. The snowball effect of work.
Why do I put myself through the frustration of starting again? If I just never stopped in the first place, I wouldn’t have to deal with this. If I stuck to writing, working out, reading my Bible, I’d never have to worry about that rusty stage again.
I should just keep going.