A Great Book for Young Adult Ministries

Over the last 6 months I’ve been reading as much as I can to prepare for my new tour. I want this comedy show to act as an outreach for the church or ministry hosting. I want to talk about confession, and why we need to be open and honest about what we’re going through. AND on top of all that I want to be able to train leaders and volunteers on how to handle those tough conversations when someone is opening up for the first time.

One of the books that has been the most help is When Your Twenties are Darker than You Expected by Paul C. Maxwell. Each chapter walks through difficulties we can face like depression, regret, loneliness, anxiety, lust, doubt, and suicide. Maxwell does such a great job unpacking what these experiences look like specifically in your 20s.

It’s a great combination of thorough academic research and personal vulnerability.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown says “shame hates when we reach out to tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it —it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy.”

That quote helped me realize one of Maxwell’s greatest strengths in writing. He is so good at wrapping the perfect words around the darkness. He articulates what the experience feels like and takes the shame out of it so you can begin to deal with it.

“Depression is an entire arsenal of concrete shoes, fixing you to the ground, letting you witness the world but not participate.”

“Regret is the closest emotional synonym we have for the word ‘scar.’”

I think everyone ministering to young adults should have this book in their office. It gives a ton of insight, wisdom, and points you to a lot of other great resources in the footnotes.

I don’t know how to transition here but I just want to share one of my other favorite quotes from the book.

In the chapter on dealing with lust Maxwell says, “There is no higher way to value a human being than to regard their relationship with God as your highest priority.” And I think that’s just a beautiful mindset to have when it comes to lust.

I’m giving away 10 free copies of this book to young adult pastors and ministry directors who fill out a quick survey. DO IT!

Not Used to Altar Music

7 years ago I was still getting used to ending my stand-up with a message. I had never had altar music play while I closed. It really freaked me out.

The first time a woman yelled "amen" while I was on stage it scared me even worse. I stopped in the middle of my sentence and said "oh, thank you" because I didn't know what else to do.

I have come a long way.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY NEW TOUR.

Reading Gave My Brain a 6 Pack

I FINISHED 10 BOOKS IN JANUARY

My brain is so much bigger and stronger. My frontal lobe probably has a six pack. They say some of the greatest leaders read a book a week, well I guess I’m a double leader and then some.

I’ve been so impressed with my own self control the last few weeks. The old me wouldn’t have been able to shut up about my new lifestyle as “guy who reads a lot.” The old me would have crammed a brag into every conversation. Even with strangers. Especially with strangers.

You: Welcome to fast food, can I take your order?

Me: I’d like a number 1 with a Dr. Pepper and I’d like you to know I READ OF MICE AND MEN FOR FUN LAST WEEKEND AND IT WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.

You: Oh…ok. My pleasure?

Me: THE PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE!

Luckily all these books have made me a new man and only a few people have had to deal with Taylor “I read 10 books last month” Johnson. And to them I offer my deepest apologies.

I feel really stupid talking about how reading is good for you because it just sounds so obvious. Of course reading a lot is better for you then binge watching tv nonstop for years and years and years. I feel dumb saying it out loud, though. Like I’m writing about how I just discovered smoking is actually bad for you because I just smoked 10 books last month.

But let’s get serious for a moment. Reading is making me a happier and healthier human being.

READING’S POSITIVE SIDE EFFECTS

The more time I spend with a book in my hands means less time I spending on my phone. I didn’t even realize this was happening until one Saturday I spent all day reading and I didn’t even think about my phone until I took a break for dinner. That never happens. I’ve checked my phone 5 times since I started writing this sentence. You want spend less time on your phone? Replace it with a book.

I have been learning so much. On my new tour I want to train leaders and parents on how to be there for people opening up and confessing for the first time. So much great advice from these books are now living in my brain and I feel so much better equipped to help people.

I’m communicating with greater ease than ever. I thought that would sound nicer than “I be talking and writing gooder.” It’s like when you read you’re stockpiling words and ideas like ammo to use the next time you need to express yourself. It’s a workout for your brain. If you want to write, you need to read. If you want to lead, you need to read.

WHAT IS HELPING ME STAY MOTIVATED?

I could not stay this excited about reading without some help. If I was left on my own I probably would have lost interest a few weeks in and this post would be me bragging about taking a nap so intense it was technically a coma.

GOODREADS is the greatest resource (become my friend on there!). It’s social media for the books you’re reading. Keep track of what you’ve finished, what you’re currently reading, and the huge list of what you want to read next. You can rate, review, and see what your friends are reading too.

That last one is the biggest help. At the beginning of the month I deleted all social media except Goodreads so any time I felt the need to check my phone, all I had was an app that showed me how much fun my friends were having reading. “Oh shoot I should just go read” is all I could think.

Speaking of which…

Austin Kleon is one of my favorite authors to follow on Twitter. He’s always posting about his love of reading and even made this image I set as the lock screen for my phone. It’s a nice reminder.

Ever feeling like reading is too expensive? You don’t want to spend all this money on books you’re not sure you’ll ever read again? I know how you feel. That’s why I got a library card. Like a freaking nerd. It’s crazy that the government just has the buildings all over the country where you can go borrow books for free. What a world.

BOOKS I FINISHED IN JANUARY*

Out on the Wire: Uncovering the Secrets to Radio’s New Masters of Story with Ira Glass by Jessica Abel

Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy by Donald Miller

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Why Suicide? by Eric Marcus

Pure Drivel by Steve Martin

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Scandalabra by Derrick Brown

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

*I’m saying “finished” instead of “read” because STIFF by Mary Roach was an audiobook I listened on my drive from Chicago to San Antonio and I’d feel like a real dirty liar if I claimed to have read it.

IN CONCLUSION

Are you feeling down and out? Did your hopes rise while the ball dropped on New Year's because you thought this year would be different but now you're not so sure? You're in a rut, a slump, stuck? Pick up a book. Any book you think would be fun to read. Don't start with one you feel like you're supposed to read. Read for you. Get in that book and don't leave until it's over. Put down your phone. Absorb the lives and thoughts of others. 

“Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of ones own.” -Arthur Schopenhauer

Go. Read. Read slowly. Read all day. Read on the toilet. Whatever you need to do. Just don't read while driving. And then one day you'll be able to brag about feeling better and smarter and healthier just like I did for the last thousand words.

See you then.

Comedy with a Message

Laughter has an incredible ability to bring down our walls and defenses. It can relieve the tension and make it easier to talk about the sort of things we’re usually afraid of. I didn’t always know I could use comedy for something bigger. 2018 marks the 10 year anniversary since I first tried stand-up. It's been a long journey to get to where I am now.

I’m so excited for my new material, new tour, and new message.

Learn more about my new show.

2018: The Year of the Groundhog

Do you do resolutions? I don’t know if I do. If I do, I don’t remember a single one I’ve ever set. Every year it's probably just “do better and don’t die.” Some years I only live up to half of that (I’ve died several times).

This year I don’t really have resolutions, I guess. They're not concrete goals. I have statements? Self commands? I have a theme for the year? They're mantras I want to yell at myself when I get off course. Does that sound like a Self Help idea? Am I becoming a Self Help person? If so, oh well. I promise I won't start posting pictures of myself doing yoga on a beach (I keep those pictures private).

I thought I’d share one of my themes for 2018 because it might hit home for a few of you.

Last month I asked people to anonymously send me their biggest fears going into 2018.

Here are a few of your submissions:

“That’ll it will be just the same as 2017. That nothing will change. That I won’t improve.

“That it will end up just being more of the same crap from this year…

“Spiders”

“That I will find myself repeating an experience that will lead me away from youth ministry

“My biggest fear is that this year, nothing will change; that I’ll give into fear that my life will never be anything more than it is now. I’m afraid I won’t take the risks I need to take to move forward and do what God has called me to do, rather than what people expect of me.

It was a real relief to read some of these. I originally asked for submissions because I was drowning in anxiety. I was spending a lot of time with my heart beating way too fast and I needed to hear that other people had to worries too. A lot of these sounded like what was going on in my head. I wasn’t alone (hooray!).

My biggest resolution/theme/mantra/catchphrase for 2018 is

REFUSE MORE OF THE SAME

I'm writing it in all my notebooks. It keeps showing up in my calendar and on all my To Do lists. This is what I want to be able to say at the end of the year. "I refused to have more of the same."

It's what a lot of us were afraid of going into the new year. I don’t want to do last year again. I don’t want to do the last 5 years again. I don't want the same frustrations, excuses, mistakes, and problems I've put myself through over and over. I refuse! NOT TODAY, SATAN! Send it back to the chef! Give me something new!

I know I don’t have control of everything that’s going to happen in 2018 but there are things I can control. I want to be really mindful and intentional about not falling into the exact same patterns that have screwed me up in years past. It’s a new year and I want to make sure I’m actively trying to make it AS NEW AS POSSIBLE.

You know how in the movie Groundhog Day Bill Murray lives the same day over and over and over? It feels like that's what I've been doing for the last few years. Except I haven't even noticed that it's the same! I've been oblivious to it. UNTIL NOW, BABY! There comes a scene in Groundhog Day where Murray is tired of wasting the day so he tries to make the most of it and make a difference. That's the part of the movie I'm in.

Refuse more of the same!

And if this year doesn't go well for me, I'm going to steal a groundhog and let it drive my truck off a cliff.

Also, please, no spiders.

What's Your Biggest Fear About 2018?

The question is vague on purpose. Take it however you want.

This is totally anonymous.

What's your biggest fear going into the new year?

Buzz Lightyear's Confession

I wanted to share one of the 10 Free Sermon Illustrations About Confession that I'm giving away. This is one of my favorites. If you want you the other 9, sign up here.

“For to confess is not simply to change but to first face and fully deny the false person you were trying to be.”

This is a quote from Josh Larsen’s book Movies are Prayers. In his chapter on how movies can be prayers of confession he looks at Buzz Lightyear’s journey in TOY STORY. For the majority of the film Buzz believes he is actually a real life space ranger and not just a toy. This all comes crumbling down when he happens to see a commercial advertising other Buzz Lightyear toys.

Feeling at his lowest, Woody tries to cheer up Buzz by saying “being a toy is a lot better than being a space ranger.”

On this scene Josh Larsen writes “Glancing from the corporate stamp on his wrist (“Made in Taiwan”) the hand-lettered inscription on the bottom of his foot (“ANDY”), Buzz comes to understand that his true identity lies not in the facade of a factious hero but in being claimed by someone else, someone who loves him despite his faults.”

Get 10 FREE SERMON ILLUSTRATIONS ABOUT CONFESSION

Most AWKWARD Prayer Time

What's the worst/least helpful thing someone has said to you when you've asked for prayer during an altar call?

That’s the question I asked my Facebook friends a few months ago. There were SO MANY responses.

Here are some highlights.

“I know a teenager who was visiting a church for ministry purposes. The kid tried to cast a demon out of a man he’s never seen before. That someone just happened to be the pastor of the church.”

One guy told me he was literally told “to ‘shut up and quit praying.’ I needed to listen to what he was praying over me.”

A woman told me “After a lady finished praying for me one time, she said, ‘You know, I would really like it if you married my son.’”

Someone said “The worst is when you ask for prayer for a specific thing and the person praying with you repeats it in prayer extra loud and at the quiet part of worship." I thought this was really funny and relatable. How many teen guys don’t ask for prayer because they’re afraid the leader will start shouting "LORD, HELP THIS PERVERT TO STOP LOOKING AT SO MUCH PORN!”

It can be so scary to take the leap and open up to a leader about what you’re going through.

To confess and ask for prayer is making yourself so vulnerable.

But it can be just as scary to be on the other side of that conversation.

To be the leader someone is choosing to be vulnerable with can be so intimidating.

You can feel all this pressure like you have to fix this person in the next few moments or you’re not doing your job.

That mindset can lead to more harm than good.

I want to help train leaders.

That's why in 2018 I'm partnering with churches for a special event that not only includes a free comedy show outreach event for the community, but also training for pastors, leaders, and parents on how to be there for someone opening up.

Very Good Friends

I’m writing to you from Wichita, KS. I performed at a Christmas party last night (a lot of fun) where they played a game called “poop the potato.” Tomorrow I have a house show and next Wednesday I’m doing comedy for “big church.” It feels weird saying “comedy for adults” and I didn’t know what else to call it.

Wichita is where Cameron, one of my best friends, live. That’s a picture of him up top. He didn’t know I was taking the picture. He won’t know until he sees this (hi Cameron!).

I’m VERY good at sneaking pictures of people. If we're friends, there's a chance I snuck a picture of you while hanging out and you'll never know. I don't know why I do this. Just for fun, I guess. There's no weird collection I keep for creepy reasons.

I was so excited about spending time with Cameron since I haven’t seen him in several months. I’ve been making a list on my phone of all the stuff I want to talk to him about.

“What do you think about all these churches live streaming their services on Facebook?”

“What’s one thing you’re most looking forward to?”

“Matt Chandler recently preached a sermon where he talked about feasting and it was so beautiful and I want you to hear it.”

I always leave conversations with Cameron excited to learn, read, and get closer to Jesus. My biggest hope is that he could say that about me, too. That’s the kind of friends I want to have. That’s the kind of friend I want to be.

I once saw Wade Bearden lecture on C.S. Lewis and he said if you’re ever not sure about your preaching or writing you can always throw in a C.S. Lewis quote to make everything better and make you sound smarter.

So here’s a C.S. Lewis quote for ya:

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Friendship is one of those things that makes all this surviving worth it.

Here’s to the Christmas season!

Here’s to the long break

the cold weather

The empty schedules

The “I’ve got nothing on today”

the conversations that feel so short until we check the time and see that 2 hours have passed in 30 minutes and we're like "HOLY CRAP OUR CONVERSATION WAS SO GOOD WE TRAVELED THROUGH TIME!"

here’s to making friends with your family

and making family out of friends

I FREAKING LOVE CHRISTMAS

Jokes and the Holocaust

I just watched the documentary LAST LAUGH on Amazon Prime. Here’s the description they give:

Can a tragedy the scale of the Holocaust ever be the subject of comedy? Perhaps more importantly, should it be? Here we see comedians pitch in with their own views on the boundaries of comedy - views tested against the reactions of Holocaust survivors.

Mel Brooks, Sarah Silverman, Rob Reiner, Carl Reiner, and a ton of other comedians talk about how and when you joke about tragedy, and (the part I found most fascinating) WHY you’d joke about it. Even Holocaust survivors are interviewed about what humor was like in the camps.

“We were miserable but without humor I don’t think we would have survived.”

It’s a really great documentary with a lot of great points on both sides. That’s one of the things that I loved about it. There’s not a neat and tidy conclusion. Not everyone agrees. One survivor talks about the importance of finding the humor and another says is offensive to even suggest there’s humor to be found.

What are we allowed to talk about?

What are we allowed to joke about?

This is the subject of one of my videos in HOW TO LEAD A CULTURE OF CONFESSION.

My main rule is that we should be aware of what we’re laughing at. Victims should never be the punchline.

I think Mel Brooks is pretty strict about following this rule when it comes to the Holocaust. To him it was important to make fun of Hitler and the nazis, to make them look so silly. He called it “revenge through ridicule.”

The other thing I really loved about the documentary is how it illustrates the two ways comedy can get through a dark time.

First, comedy can distract us. It can be a powerful form of escapism. Robert Clary, an entertainer and Holocaust survivor recalls performing in make shift shows in the camps. “For the 10, 15 minutes I performed, they forgot where they were.”

That’s so beautiful.

Secondly, the main point I think the comedians are trying to make about why they want to make jokes that involve tragic subject like the Holocaust is because if we can joke about it we can talk about it. If we can make jokes then it’s not bigger than us.

I really think this documentary is worth your time. You might totally disagree with a lot of it, but I think it’s a really fascinating topic and worth exploring.

Here's the trailer: